Saturday, February 19, 2011

Struggles

Sooo I've had all these really great ideas this week about what to write that will be scholarly and I feel what I should be writing to you fellow slices but my mind keeps coming back to my biggest struggle in life.

Food. I struggle with food. It is my obsession and my downfall. I've always struggled with it but in high school it wasn't that bad. Then I went to college and playing a college sport made it so I could eat anything I wanted whenever I wanted without a consequence. During the last year of college I realized that I needed help because my eating habits were out of control. I'm a compulsive, guilty, emotional, over-eater. I exhibit all bad habits of eating. I tried to help myself but nothing worked. I finished basketball last March and gained weight. At Christmas I finally had had enough. I couldn't control my eating habits and food was controlling my life. I wanted to eat all the time and it consumed every minute of my day. I'd been telling my mom (how is a therapist) that I needed to get help because I couldn't do it on my own.

God told me that I need to get my life healthy before he will bring someone into my life. I decided to sign up for Weight Watchers on Dec. 26 and see if I could relearn how to eat to be a healthier person. I knew this was a step I had to take in the right direction. The first few weeks were great, I didn't have any of the cravings I had before. As I got more comfortable with the program, I started to get my craving and habits back but I have kept it still within the program. I've lost 15 pounds in the last 7 weeks which is great but I don't want these old habits.

So here is what I am struggling with:
1. bad old habits
2. I feel great that I've lost a good deal of weight and then I realize that I've been skinnier and then start to feel bad about myself again
3. at this point, every day I feel like sabotaging myself so that I don't loose weight. I've been so successful so far I feel like at some point I NEED to fail (I know that's awful!)

It's been on my mind to share with you throughout the whole week because I want you to know my struggle. I need prayer and support. And I apologize if I don't eat what you offer me when I am with you. It's not that I don't want to eat it, I just have to watch what I eat. Now that I shared this with you, I will post later about an awesome thing that happened to me. Its hard for me to write about this so thanks for reading and the support I know you guys are going to give me.

13 comments:

  1. Lindsey,

    Thank you so much for being honest with where you are at right now and what you are struggling with. I know that God is big enough to help you overcome the bad habits that you created and fill you life with healthy, joyful ones in return.

    I will be praying for strength and perseverance to continue on this journey.

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  2. This is so cool Lindsay. That you are willing to share something that is such a struggle for you. Especially something like this. I wanna take care of myself too. Lose weight and feel better. Thank you Linz

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  3. Oh gosh. Did I sit next to you on Saturday and offer a tray of Girls Scout cookies? I didn't mean anything by that, and I hope you didn't get offended.

    You're completely right about receiving support from those around you. It's super important! But it's also important to remember that ultimately it comes down to your decision. I'm interested in fitness and nutrition too, so we should talk some more later!

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  4. thanks for your honesty lindsay! you're awesome! maybe we could go for a run or walk together sometime? i'm praying that as you set goals for physical health that you would be reassured of you're value in Christ.

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  5. I will be the first to say that I don't know ONE person who doesn't struggle with food. thank you so much for sharing this. I am so glad that you feel comfortable enough in your food journey to talk to us about it. AND, support you we will. :) as well as pray for you right now.

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  6. ah, lindsey thank you so much for your beautiful honesty and vulnerability. addiction is a hard thing and we all have our different struggles. i know mine is alcohol and i'm sure that many circles members have their own dependencies. it's an awful, trying part of our lives, but it's also a huge opportunity for Christ's redemption to be played out. please continue to have faith because He is beside and around you when you fail and succeed the same. you are loved.

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  7. THIS is what it means to be a community. Amen??? This is transparency at it's greatest and it warms my heart to know that we all love each other enough to not only confess our struggles but have others there to comfort us, support us and walk with us through those struggles. I'm so stoked for the ways that God is going to use this experience in your life, Lindsey. It has already impacted my life in huge ways. I'll be praying for you for sure and I'm stoked that we are all in this together, surrounded by the greatest supporter, Jesus.

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  8. :) I seriously have struggled with self-image & issues with my weight since I was a little girl. I don't know where it came and why it came so early, but know that you are not alone. Thank you for sharing. I usually keep my mouth shut about the subject because the responses that you can get aren't exactly the sweetest. But, be encouraged, take heart, and rock the gym :) Praying for you, NO self sabotaging, be forgiving, and may God reveal His love for you and His delight in you every step of the way. Praying praying praying. Thank you!

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  9. Thank you for sharing and being so honest. Sharing with others is a great step to maintaining your good habits. I guess that's what's circles is all about.

    Also, I think what is important is to have someone to keep you truly accountable so that you aren't as tempted to sabotage yourself. Maybe allow this person to ask you specific questions (that you create) every day or every so often.

    After just saying this to you, I feel like I definitely need to do that with certain areas of my life...

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  10. I admire your courage, and the fact that you are taking control of your weakness. We all fall, get in a little bit over our heads...but you are making a comeback and displaying great strength! Don't believe the lies that you "NEED to fail"!

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  11. Lindsey, thank you so much for your openess and honesty. I admire that so much. I will certainly be praying for you!

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  12. I feel honored that you would share something like this with us. Issues like these (and as Bayley mentioned...we all have them) somehow rest in the deepest parts of us. We wish we could unroot them from that place, and I believe Christ can. But for now...well, they're there. And letting us that far into who you are is no small thing. I'll be praying for you. And please continue to let su all know the little and big ways that we can support you.

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  13. I too do struggle with food. I am diabetic and need to "stay on the wagon". It can be a lonely thing and a mind game for me too. Thank you for sharing and allowing us to know your true struggles and cares. Praying for you in this.

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