Sooo I've had all these really great ideas this week about what to write that will be scholarly and I feel what I should be writing to you fellow slices but my mind keeps coming back to my biggest struggle in life.
Food. I struggle with food. It is my obsession and my downfall. I've always struggled with it but in high school it wasn't that bad. Then I went to college and playing a college sport made it so I could eat anything I wanted whenever I wanted without a consequence. During the last year of college I realized that I needed help because my eating habits were out of control. I'm a compulsive, guilty, emotional, over-eater. I exhibit all bad habits of eating. I tried to help myself but nothing worked. I finished basketball last March and gained weight. At Christmas I finally had had enough. I couldn't control my eating habits and food was controlling my life. I wanted to eat all the time and it consumed every minute of my day. I'd been telling my mom (how is a therapist) that I needed to get help because I couldn't do it on my own.
God told me that I need to get my life healthy before he will bring someone into my life. I decided to sign up for Weight Watchers on Dec. 26 and see if I could relearn how to eat to be a healthier person. I knew this was a step I had to take in the right direction. The first few weeks were great, I didn't have any of the cravings I had before. As I got more comfortable with the program, I started to get my craving and habits back but I have kept it still within the program. I've lost 15 pounds in the last 7 weeks which is great but I don't want these old habits.
So here is what I am struggling with:
1. bad old habits
2. I feel great that I've lost a good deal of weight and then I realize that I've been skinnier and then start to feel bad about myself again
3. at this point, every day I feel like sabotaging myself so that I don't loose weight. I've been so successful so far I feel like at some point I NEED to fail (I know that's awful!)
It's been on my mind to share with you throughout the whole week because I want you to know my struggle. I need prayer and support. And I apologize if I don't eat what you offer me when I am with you. It's not that I don't want to eat it, I just have to watch what I eat. Now that I shared this with you, I will post later about an awesome thing that happened to me. Its hard for me to write about this so thanks for reading and the support I know you guys are going to give me.